I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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