The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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