Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
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