Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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