I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
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Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
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I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
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