just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
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If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
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And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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