this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
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