is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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