Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
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i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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