youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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