i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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