Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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