Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She even gives head with a lisp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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