Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
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The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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