my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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