I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Please don't give away my fajitas
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