the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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