I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
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She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
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WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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