I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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