I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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