We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
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I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
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If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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