The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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