Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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