do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize