How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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