every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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