Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
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Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
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No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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