the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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