so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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