and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
a search helicopter?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
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