Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
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Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
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How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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