you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
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I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
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He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize