I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
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