I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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