She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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