I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
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Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
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Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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