We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
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I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
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It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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