I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
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After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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