Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Vodka?
Forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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