I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize