I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
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It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
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I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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