sarcasm needs its own font
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
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