I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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