I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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