I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
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He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
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Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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