Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize