I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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