Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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