Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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