Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
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someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
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Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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