i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
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dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
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No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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